Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
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