Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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