I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
We named our party play list daddy issues
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
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