Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
it was like eating out sand paper
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
