at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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