I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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