I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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