my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
