YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Randomize
