sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
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