your parents love me but you hate me
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
This toilet bowl is my home.
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