i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
