It's like God shit irony all over that family
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize