I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
