I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
