Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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