Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
