i permit you to call me
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
