my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
