You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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