He asked me if I "almost moaned"
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
