peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
