I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
