new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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