There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
