Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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