Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize