the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I need to stop coming to work sober
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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