And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Randomize