well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
