And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
