i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
