Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
