Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Randomize
