So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
