I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
