Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
