I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
