Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
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