As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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