As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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