his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
