If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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