i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
