Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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