Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
even my farts smell like vagina
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
