dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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