the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
