I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
