I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
