His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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