I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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