You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
