Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Randomize
