Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
