; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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