ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
