its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Randomize
