Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
