I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
You took a bar mat shot.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
