dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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