the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
