You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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