She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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