OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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