just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
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