Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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