There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
