Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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