a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
