just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
