either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
we made out on top of his cat.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
